I realize now that there are a few things which I can predict about myself...like everytime I read a Paulo Coelho book, a blog entry usually follows :) This time, I actually read two of his books before the lazy-me was pushed to write something, by lazier-me :):) So I read Aleph and Fifth Mountain, both of them good reads with some profound thoughts in them. I remember my mind being in a swirl of emotions post Aleph, but being so absent minded these days (I prefer to blame it on junior ;) ) I really cant remember now what it was all about. Perhaps I should have heeded to myself and blogged about Aleph then itself. But 'Fifth Mountain', it had one thought which resonates so deeply with me, specially now, that I just couldn't not write about it!

It goes something like "Fear lasts only till the unavoidable happens".

A simple line, but how true! Think about it this way.. real fear is for things which we know for sure will happen in the immediate future..like exams, results, injections, blood tests, goodbyes, etc.. once the date/appointment has been scheduled, we spend our days in abject fear of the actual moment. In the book itself, there is a prophet who is afraid to confess his love to a lady. And he lives in fear, till the time he confesses to her. He knew that since he is staying with the lady in the same house there was no avoiding the eventuality of an expression, and that made him live in fear till the unavoidable moment happened! And why does it resonate with me so much? Well, with junior inside me, I know for sure there is a great pain to be borne before I am able to see/hold junior.. but the thought terrifies me. I wouldn't be lying if I say that sometimes it keeps me awake at night.. will I be able to handle the pain? Will I be strong enough to undergo what's best for the little-one? I doubt myself. I am trying to prepare myself for the big day, the unavoidable day..till then, I have to battle my fear and keep it in check :) May bhagwanji help me!

Staring at the distant horizon,
a vision of what I would love to be doing,
An eyeful of dreams..

Skipping breezily to office,
a brand new day to live,
A thimbleful of new beginnings..

Catching up with friends and family,
laughing till my eyes water,
An armful of hugs...

A beat in my steps,
and a song in my heart,
An earful of melodies..

Browsing leisurely through books,
engrossed in my latest painting,
A fistful of time..

Crying my heart out in movies,
penning down my deepest thoughts,
A heartful of love and longing..


Spreading my arms to soak in the sun,
splashing away in the rainwater puddles,
A pocketful of clouds...

Two heartbeats inside me,
two bellies to fill,
A tummyful of life...

Come Christmas and my plans are decided, to follow aTa wherever he goes :) His office remains closed for the Merry-Christmas week, and naturally I too take that entire week off to explore with him whatever new land he wants to. And this time, it was unbelievable.. the exotic beauty of the place, the spoilt-for-choice number of activities to do, the fun of snorkeling, the adventure of scuba diving, the thrill of touching fish-coral-sea creatures, the novelty of watching them all up close.. it was completely surreal!

So the big secret, we went to Andaman Islands for our Christmas holidays this time :) Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined it to be so breath-takingly beautiful.. every moment was a wow-moment there, what with crystal clear water, pristine beaches, turquoise blue sky and sea, lush green landscape, silvery white fine sand.. it was oh-so-amazing to see so much beauty packed in one small place!

And it was there that I decided that I simply have to chronicle all of this, so that it is not forgotten like the memorable-at-that-time Bangkok trip, which has started getting a bit vague now :( After a hectic-than-usual week a work, we managed to pack our bags 15 minutes before we were scheduled to leave, checking only for the tickets and hotel addresses ;) Took a train to Chennai, which was a comfortably happy journey spent dreaming about the holidays to come :D From there a flight to Port Blair, and our first collective gasp as soon as the islands came into view, it was like a picture postcard.. abundance of bright blue water, and a green and silver island perched proudly in its midst!

We stayed at ‘Blue Sea’ hotel, which was situated in the town itself (Port Blair has only one beach, and that too isn’t that picturesque) , it was very convenient location-wise, and impeccable service! I think I know a lot about the roads of Port Blair (omg! That abbreviates to PB too! How come I didn’t notice it before.. guess it was my poor PB at work, rather, not-at-work ;) )aTa will vouch for that (about my knowing the roads now, i.e, what did you think? *big wide toothy cheetzy grin* )

Day 1 (which was half a day really), we saw Cellular jail, visited Viper island and experienced the light and sound show of the jail at night. It rained pretty heavily that day, so I was left telling Bhagwanji o stop it, and He stop-itted :) the view from the Jail was lovely, but the loveliness was marred by the sadness of the place, just thinking about what all has happened there made me want to cry for those poor people who did so much for us and now lie forgotten. Viper island too was a washout, they should stop taking tourists there. It is being used as a landfill, and the historic buildings there have crumbled post-tsunami. Overall, after the wet and soggy and tiring day1, I wasn’t enthusiastic at all about the trip. But all that changed on..

..Day2!! the day of Havelock, the day of Makkruz, the day of ‘hotel sea shell’, the day of ‘lighthouse’, the day of ‘radhanagar beach’.. ok,ok.. couldn’t hold it any longer and it all came tumbling out! Ek din main itna magic pack ho sakta hai, I believed it on day2 only :) Day2 was when we went to Havelock island, on the Makkruz catamaran. Incidentally, it was Christmas day, so the whole ship was decked up with traditional sparkling decorations, we had a Santa on board and a cake cutting.. it was good fun! Landing in Havelock, we went straight to our hotel, Sea Shell. Almost every hotel there has its own access to beach, and this one was no different. We had an hour to kill before our room was ready, which was spent oohing-and-aahing at the crystal clear light blue water and the fine white silvery sands! There were sun bath lounge chairs and umbrellas spread out on the beach, and I dived straight into the water collecting bits of shell and coral in my travel clothes only. The resort has lovely wooden cottages, and lots and lots of green space in between, with the bar right in the middle of the place. So in the evening, we could just put our legs up, and enjoy a drink together, drinking in the cool breeze and the lapping of waves as well. But before that, we were lucky enough to experience snorkeling at LightHouse, thanks to a kind autowala who arranged it for us at a moment’s notice. It was like being Ariel, the Little Mermaid.. watching fish swim just within your reach, the dazzling display of colors and shapes and the discipline of whole schools.. and the corals, and clamshells, and other kinds of interesting structures and creatures.. to realize that such a beautiful world lies just beneath the water surface was a humbling and exhilarating feeling, one that I am not going to forget in a hurry. There we were, smitten by the sparkling water, just the surface of it, and having once peeped into its depth, we couldn’t decide which part of it was more mesmerizing :) While coming back from the Lighthouse, we perched ourselves at the prow of the speedboat, exhilarated by the rush of wind in our hair and the spray of foam on our faces, shouting out loud with every crest and trough of the undulating ocean, it was such great fun!

After the ‘eye-opening’ snorkeling, we went to Radhanagar beach, touted as one of the most beautiful beaches in Asia. And it was worth all the hype. I have never in my life seen a more inviting beach.. so clean, so clear, the waves so soft and soothing, it was completely irresistible! There was a snack bar shack near by where we enjoyed hot pakodas and tea (our lunch after LightHouse visit), complete bliss! We drove back to SeaShell on our rented Activa, winding up the day with a warm brandy in the open bar :)

Day3 was a landmark day for myself and aTa.. our very first Scuba Dive!!! We were so excited, we reported before the early morning 7AM time :) After the mandatory instructions and gear-up, we dove in!!! It was un-describably, fantastically, absolutely bee-you-tea-ful! We had one instructor each with us, and the four of us made our way almost at the sea floor, peering at fish, looking at corals, the fish literally swimming through our fingers! The dive master pointed out different fish and coral to me, and I did the same, asking him to turn back or dive down deeper if I spotted something. I was completely absorbed in the moment, and didn’t realize that we spent more than 40 minutes underwater, jerked back to reality by the growing pain in my ear due to the depth, and had to break the spell :( The dive-master was very impressed with moi though *big wide toothy cheetzy grin*. He said that I was extremely calm and totally engrossed in fish-spotting *pat on my back* Rest of the day I don’t remember much, we were reeling under the spell of the magic we had just witnessed together :) The Makruzz catamaran brought us back to PortBlair, where we spent the night dreaming of the underwater world of Nemo and Ariel :)

Day4 was local sightseeing in PortBlair. We visited Gandhi Park in the morning, where there is a Japanese Bunker, a sad reminder of the time when Japanese occupied a part of Indian Territory. For us it was more of a morning walk in nature’s lap. After that we took a boat to NorthBay island, which had more snorkeling to offer. Only aTa went for it, as I wanted to give my ear some rest. I spent the time exploring the beach, it had very interesting driftwood formations and very unique seashells to collect :)

Once aTa was back, we took the ‘rocking’ boat (because it was going up and down and right and left so much!) to Ross Island, from where British administered the whole of Andaman islands. The buildings are in ruins now, but they made for some interesting photo-ops, and there was a trail by the sea, walking along which we felt like explorers ourselves.. untouched, unexplored beauty! Wound up the day with a visit to Corvin’s Cove, the only beach in PortBlair (which looked a bit dirty to us after the Havelock magic). There was a Peerless Sarovar Resort nearby, which was again a delight to explore. That was the end of Day4, and suddenly, we both were faced with our last full day of the magical experience, which was..

Day5. The day of JollyBuoy. JollyBuoy is a protected marine ecosystem area, where entry is restricted to 150 people a day, and only for 3 hours. It involves a 30 km drive to Wandoor, followed by a 1 hour ride in the steamer to reach the beach itself. The promise of the place could be felt from the wharf itself, it was the deepest blue of water surrounded by the most verdant green of forest. The beach itself was a simple strip of white sand, patrolled by forest guards against littering. We went snorkeling again, and this time, we actually touched starfish, sea cucumbers, and other creatures. The colors and variety of fish and coral there was amazing, paling everything else we had seen before in comparison. We just couldn’t have enough of it and ventured further and further out till the guides had nothing else to show us ;) A glass boat ride, lying sprawled on the floor of the boat to see the corals followed, and was good fun, where the 8 people on board cracked jokes about the different things we were seeing, all of us kneeling down, peering through the glass bottom of the boat :D We were back by 3 to Wandoor, and immediately asked our driver to rush to Mount Harriet, one of the highest points in Port Blair. The drive itself was lovely, but the best part was when the local guard at the place told us that the view from Mount Harriet is inscribed at the back of 20Rs notes. It was true, we could see that, and now, everytime I see a 20Rs note, it reminds me of the ‘Andaman Adventure’ :D That was it. With a heavy heart, we welcomed..

Day6. The day of our departure to Chennai. The day of a power packed visit to the museums of PortBlair in under 2 hours! Anthropological Museum, Samudrika museum, Chatham saw mill, and dash to airport to catch our flight! Everybody had told me that the shells I had collected couldn’t be taken out of Andaman, but when I talked to the officer there, he was very chweet about it and allowed us to take them back with us. Now they occupy the place of honor at home, reminding us of the fun times spent in an earthly-other-worldly paradise called Andaman!

chhoti si kahani se,
baarishon ke pani se,
saari vaadi bhar gayee..
naa jane kyo, dil bhar gaya..
naa jane kyo, aankh bhar gayee..

I realize it is very funny for most people when i tell them that NY always makes me feel very sad and lonely.
Perhaps it is something to do with all the Karan-Johar movies shot here. The moment i see the manhattan skyline, I am humming 'Kal ho na ho', or 'kabhi alvida na kehna', etc.. and i find myself looking back, thinking about times gone by, about friends i have lost touch with, about fun times with cousins, about the unfinished '7 things to do before i turn 30' (one update, I completed one thing i really wanted to try in this trip, but somebody's going to get into big time trouble if i elaborate more on this :) ).
Perhaps it is also to do something with the fact that both my trips here have been made alone and being alone is now so alien to me. I feel NY emotes so much, it tells you so many things.. its vibrant green walkways and turquoise blue waters soothe your senses, while the twinkling sky scrapers at night remind you that at the end of the day, each one stands alone. What(or how tall) you are, just shows through. The highways tell you about milestones yet to be achieved, while the fast paced long drives remind you that time is flying by, there are so many places to go to, if you dont have a plan, what will you do?

This time i was in NY for 2 weeks only, but in 2 weeks, i rediscovered myself.
I could write about the drive to Ausable with S & M to see the fall colors.. it was the most beautiful landscape I have seen to date!
I felt reconnected to bhagwanji in a way i havent felt in a long time! And the songs in the car were simply amazing, I never followed that genre or those singers before, but i am definitely going to do that from now on. The only thing i am afraid of is that listening to those songs might pull me back in time to the drive, and i want to stay in the present.
I could also write about the crazy trip to Bubba Gump Shrimp joint at Times Square at 1:30 in the morning! It was madness, but again, something which i am going to remember with happiness for a long long time! Only spoiler was that S & M had to travel all the way in the opposite direction to drop me home, and they could reach their place only by 3 in the morning!
Or what about the drive with big bro to Jones beach, the wine tasting and pumpkin picking while not able to make out 2 fingers from 3 ;) Two days of eating, drinking, bar-be-cueing, talking, and one adventure. I so totally love you bro, for not being judgemental and understanding and supporting me like you do. I luv you aTa too, for not being angry with me, and accepting my (sometimes wild) ways for what they are!
But most of all, what i want to write about is what i didnt write down at all. For 2 weeks, i felt so connected to my old cheets self, full of crazy thoughts, feeling things again in a way i had kind of forgotten, shrugging off the efficient numbness and indifference of cheeticorp (thanks x for the name :):) ), ready to laugh, cry, dazzle, shine, play, brood, observe and FEEL things,events,emotions.. it was wonderful!
I was happy to be sad, i realized at least the feelings are flowing again!
I hope i can hold on to this feeling-cheets again, and not let her get lost in home-office-home routine again. I want to express myself again.. paint, write poems, call up friends, write loooong letters, restart this blog..
Right now, just happy to be heading back home, and bringing back cheets with me :):)

Jo bhi likha hai, dil se jeeya hai,
yeh lamha, filhaal jee lene do..
:):)

It's raining outside,

Deadlines galore,
too many to ignore,
That's when tender memories from the past,
warm the cockles of my heart....

Feeling extremely homesick today, guess festivals do that to me :(

blankets on!!
dheere dheere sardi aayee...
:)

it's 2 in the morning, all of bangalore is asleep.. well, almost all of it! aTa's sleep is suddenly broken by a loud and frustrated exclamation:
cheets: THAT'S IT!!
aTa: what happened baby?
cheets: machhar ko mil gaya. (mosquito has found it)
aTa: kya mil gaya???? (what??)
cheets: main :( (moi :( )

i swear i don't remember any part of this exchange, but aTa has been laughing non-stop ever since!
*big wide toothy cheetzy grin*

What happens if you try to pen down a post while listening to an immensely soulful and melodious and sentimental song that reminds you of things left behind, of another life, another age? Writing this down as i listen to "tainu dil da vaasta" from 'luv aaj kal', and i am thinking about gurgaon and missing all the "dilli" type things! Although Bangalore is my home (Subtle, little, chatil, aTa, all are here), but i feel nostalgic about gurgaon the way one feels nostalgic about home. But that's just being silly cheets.

"chor bazaari do naino ki, pehle ki aadat jo hutt gayee"..meri aadat to nahi badli, except that i am more lazy, more active, more quiet, more talkative, more in-the-moment, more long-time-planner, more chirpy, more pensive than before, obviously in short spans of time. at least my unpredictability and mood swings are still present, only that the troughs and crests are steeper :)

"tu na badli, main na badla, dilli sari dekh badal gayee".. how true!! i visited delhi/gurgaon for a day, and i could hardly find my way about the flyover maze!! still i want to go back there!! (aTa, are you listening??? )
bangalore or delhi.. i love you aaj, kal, hamesha!!! :D:D

its raining chama-cham in namma bengaloooroo, an ethereal dance of rain drops on the roadside and mid-road puddles, that heady aroma of wet earth and coal-smoke-roasted corn cobs, pakoras and garma-garam chai! aTa is happyandbusy again, while i have more free time on my hands now.Finally got a new TV (Flatal) for our home (Subtle). Spent the entire weekend re-arranging the drawing room to accomodate flatal, now subtle has a proper drawing room of its own, not the rag-tag arrangement of wires and rugs it had earlier :)
Think i have time for some maggi before aTa returns from work.. bas do minute ;)

PS: a nice long vacation to jpr/jdpr/bhl on the cards. yippeee!!!! :D:D
barso re megha megha.. :):):)